Expecting to Be Rejected or Accepted: Children’s Optimistic and Pessimistic Relationship Expectations, Divorce, Interparental Conflict and Parenting

Abstract

Based on recent estimates within Australia, approximately 32% of marriages end in divorce, and almost 50% of these families include children. Divorce can be distressing for children, as revealed by investigations comparing children from intact and divorced families on conduct, psychological adjustment, self-concept, and social adjustment (Amato, 2000). These early comparisons, however, were usually accomplished without consideration of other aspects of the family system (i.e., family processes). More recently, researchers have investigated family structure and family processes as correlates of children’s adjustment. One important aspect of children’s adjustment is the development of their expectations of social relationships with others. Founded in attachment theory and social cognitive theories of the need to belong and concerns about rejection, family problems and divorce have been proposed as correlates of children’s ways of thinking about their current and future relationships (children’s relationship expectations), but this has received little research attention. In the final of the three studies reported here, family structure and processes were expected to be correlates of children’s relationship expectations. Prior to testing these hypotheses, however, available measures of children’s relationship expectations were identified. This revealed that there was no existing measure that assessed optimistic and pessimistic relationship expectations, which could be quickly completed by both children and early adolescents. Hence, a new measure was developed in the first two studies by drawing on the literature on relationship models and cognitions (e.g., rejection and interpersonal sensitivity, and working models of self and others in relationships), and the optimism/pessimism literature. The exploratory and confirmatory factor analyses results reported in Study 1 (N = 226; ages 9 to 12 years) and Study 2 (N = 200; ages 9 to 12 years) resulted in a 16-item measure of children’s optimistic and pessimistic relationship expectations with reference to peers and “other people.” This measure was found to consist of two subscales, labelled optimistic relationship expectations and pessimistic relationship expectations. All 16 items contained statements about peers and others in general. The two subscales were shown to be moderately correlated, and to be reliable and valid. In Study 3, 837 children (aged 9 to 13 years) completed the new measure of relationship expectations about peers and others. In addition, items that assessed children’s expectations about family relationships were included and found to produce a single scale representing optimistic family relationship expectations. These measures of children’s relationship expectations were expected to be correlates of divorce, interparental conflict and parenting. Children completed measures of relationships expectations, experience of interparental conflict, and their mothers’ and fathers’ parenting in the form of warmth, autonomy support, structure, rejection, coercion and chaos. Parents reported about family structure and divorce history. Results of Study 3 revealed that children who had experienced family dissolution reported less optimistic family relationship expectations than children from intact families and this was more pronounced the longer the period since the divorce. Regarding children’s relationship expectations of peers and others, regression models showed divorce was not associated with either optimistic or pessimistic expectations. Yet, interparental conflict was associated with children’s relationship expectations of both family and peers/others, but was no longer a significant unique correlate after parenting was added to the models. Parenting, particularly children’s report of mothers’ warmth and autonomy support, was associated with children’s expectations of relationships with family, peers and others in general. Yet, fathers’ parenting did seem to play some role, as well; children who reported more autonomy support from their fathers also had more optimistic expectations of peers/others and children who reported more coercion and rejection by their fathers had less optimistic family relationship expectations. Moreover, children who reported more rejection by their mothers also reported more pessimistic relationship expectations with peers/others. Finally, it was expected that parenting might moderate associations between divorce and children’s relationship expectations. This was the case for positive parenting by mothers when the outcomes were family relationship expectations and optimistic expectations of peers/others. It was also the case for positive parenting by fathers and negative parenting by mothers when the outcome was family relationship expectations. Children reported the highest optimistic relationship expectations when they lived in intact families and reported positive parenting by mothers; the highest optimistic family relationship expectations when they lived in intact families and reported positive parenting by fathers; and the lowest family relationship expectations when they had experienced family dissolution and reported that their mothers were low in positive parenting qualities or high in negative parenting qualities. In summary, divorce has a significant association with family relationship expectations but not with peer/other relationship expectations, and parenting is the most direct correlate of relationship expectations regardless of whether these expectations are of family or peers/others. Children are more optimistic about their future family relationships when they report more positive parenting (warmth, autonomy support, structure) from mothers and lower negative parenting (coercion, rejection) by fathers. Additionally, positive parenting by both mothers and fathers and an absence of negative parenting by mothers seems to buffer children from the negative effect of divorce on their optimistic expectations of family. These findings are important for understanding how children view relationships and could be used to give assistance to families going through the divorce process. Implications for theory, research and intervention, as well as future directions, are discussed.