Manthropology: The Science of the Inadequate Modern Male

Abstract

Drawing from archaeology, anthropology and evolutionary psychology, the author (a qualified palaeoanthropologist) confirms the awful truth: every man in history, back to the dawn of the species, did everything better, faster, stronger and smarter than any man today. Highlights include: a biomechanical analysis proving that a Neanderthal woman would have beaten Arnold Schwarzenegger in an arm-wrestle; a philological investigation of why 50 Cent would bomb in a battle-rap with the poet Homer; and a comparison of injury rates between today's Ultimate Fighting and ancient Greek Pankration. Every modern claim to masculine fame is debunked, from terrorism (why wouldn't Osama bin Laden have made Captain in Genghis Khan's army?) to metrosexuality (why would David Beckham come last in a Fulani tribesmen's beauty pageant?). Even the modern male's bragging rights about parenting are shown up as fraud: Congo Pygmy men carry their sons and daughters for 47 per cent of their waking day, and some Pygmy dads even develop lactating breasts to nurse them. Now that's commitment ...